you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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