my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
