I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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