Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
