ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
