Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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