they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
