Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
