first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
