my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
