i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
