When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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