Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
