It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
