I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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