Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize