i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
PANTIES FOUND
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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