I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
