Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
