I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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