Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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