So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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