Duck Duck Cougar?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
