I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
