I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
