I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
