We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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