wakey wakey hands off snakey
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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