You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
