I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
