I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
