I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
