Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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