mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
