How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
