I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
