I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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