She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
