Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
