I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
