I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
