Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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