Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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