Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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