Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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