I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
