My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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