That's intense
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
