your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
