We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
