she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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