Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
