I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
