I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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