Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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