I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
