Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
