last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
