Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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