puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
