fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
tonight lets celebrate not being married
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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