did you get engaged???
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
