You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize