I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
