Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
