At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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