Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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