I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
