Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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