Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
