No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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