Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
we're making bets on your personal life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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