i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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