I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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