I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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