I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
