I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
