Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also, beer. Big fan.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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